


Guilt

by Marf_Redux



Series: Transformation Divergence Two, [13]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Atlas Hunk missing the Shay of their world, Avoiding Issues, M/M, One Night Stand, Self Harm, characters not on the same page, one of them hiding from the other, regret after after one night stand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-01-27 17:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21395623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marf_Redux/pseuds/Marf_Redux
Summary: Atlas Keith has trouble dealing with the loss of connection to the lions and the guilt about things involving Shiro.
Relationships: James Griffin/Keith (Voltron)
Series: Transformation Divergence Two, [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1332607
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are disabled. I have my reasons for this and they are in my profile if you simply must know why. I tell you this so you will be forewarned in case you don't want to read fics that disable them.
> 
> Kudos are appreciated and thank you in advance to anyone who leaves them.

Guilt  
Part One of Three

It was so strange the missing connection, the feeling of being completely alone. He hadn’t realized it but even when he’d been with the blade there had been a part of him still connected to the lions but now that thread was gone. All that was left was an ache like a part of him was missing and he desperately wanted it back. He had no idea how Shiro had endured this for so long and it only made him feel guiltier. The fact Shiro was even more stand offish now after that last conversation with the black lion that led to him getting the clones memories only made the guilt worse.

He knew he should apologize, hell all of them should but how do you apologize for something like this. They had disregarded the clone as just a thing, they had ignored what Shiro might have been going through and they hadn’t been there for him. The fact they were possibly manipulated only made it worse because he knew with complete certainty that he’d already written off the clone as just a thing before the battle that turned the quintessence realm creatures against them. Oh he’d saved the clone’s body but even then he was thinking about using it to save Shiro some how. 

He wished Shiro had never been given the clone’s memories because the way he looked at all of them now only made the guilt worse. Shiro was too nice to directly blame them but it was there in his eyes some times now. He immediately headed to the gym to work himself until he couldn’t move then maybe he could get some sleep.

Once he arrived he was glad it was empty since he didn’t even bother going to change into sweats he just headed straight for the heaviest bag and began to punch it as hard as he could. He was grateful that everything seemed to fade to a dull haze as he pummeled the bag. “Shit, Keith stop,” a voice said loudly and he was pulled back form the bag. “Keith your hands are bleeding.”

He looked down to see that his knuckles had split form how hard he was hitting the bag. He turned to see James Griffon looking concerned. “I should get you to the infirmary get those looked at.” It was strange to hear James being concerned about him back in the garrison James had hated him.

“No need they’ll heal,” he said pulling himself away from James. “I guess I’ll kick it now.” He did just that to the bag it wasn’t as satisfying as the punch but it should make James back off. James grabbed him again and pulled him off of it. “Just go away Griffon I know you don’t care.”

“What the hell I always cared it was why you pissed me off so much,” James said shocking him. “Sure I was a dick about how I showed it but didn’t you get why you pissed me off so much?” He had no idea what James talking about. “Look I’m taking you to the infirmary so you can either come quietly or I’ll make you.” He considered throwing a punch at the other man but decided against it and relented allowing James to lead him out of the gym.


	2. Chapter 2

Guilt  
Part Two of Three

He opened his eyes staring at the ceiling in a strange room it took a second for him to recall what had happened after James dragged him to the infirmary. The other man had stood around while the on duty nurses cleaned and bandaged his hands before sending them out. He’d started to head back to the gym when James had grabbed him and demanded he stop being so stupid. After that James had kissed him and he’d just gone along with it letting James drag him to his room where they’d spend the night having sex.

So now he knew what James had meant about always caring and showing it badly. The only problem was as fun as the sex had been he didn’t want a relationship with James and if he hadn’t been so emotional high strung yesterday it never would have happened. James rolled over in his sleep and threw an arm over him and he had to resist the temptation to shove it off. It wouldn’t do any good to be an asshole to James about this since if it hadn’t been sex with him it would have just been some other self destructive outlet. 

He glanced around the room to locate his discarded clothing so he could get dressed quickly and then carefully slid out from under James arm. He hoped the other man was a heavy sleeper but some how he didn’t think he’d get that lucky. He was proven right when he heard a sleepy voice mumbling to itself as he was pulling his underwear on in a hurray. “Hey, why the rush, neither of us are on duty for several hours,” James said and he turned back to find the other man smiling. “Come back to bed, we can sleep in,” he felt a surge of guilt seeing that smile. 

“No, I need to go,” he said as he grabbed his pants and pulled them on in a hurry. He started looking around for his undershirt and was relieved when he found it right next to his uniform top. Out of the corner of his eye he saw James getting out of bed and turned back to him. “Don’t come near me this was a mistake, it shouldn’t have happened.” He saw James freeze and the hurt was clear on his face. 

The hurt on his face was quickly replaced by visible anger, “What you just used me to feel better cause Shiro is pissed at you?” James said hitting far closer to the mark than he’d have liked. “You haven’t changed at all your still just a selfish dick who does whatever he wants.” That was also far closer to the mark then he’d liked. “Get the hell out of my quarters,” James said getting out of bed and walking naked over to the door. “Now get out.” He began to scramble to find the rest of his clothes. He heard the door opening behind him and then felt James hand on his shoulder followed by a hard shove that sent him sprawling into the corridor outside.

He had been caught completely off guard and he looked up to see James moving rapidly around his quarters grabbing the clothed he’d left behind and then throwing them out of the door. “Just go to hell Keith, I Hope I never see you again.” James said standing naked in his door way before shutting the door. He looked around and saw several people had seen that exchange which was another thing for him to feel guilty about. It would be all over the ship soon enough that he slept with James and then they had a fight. 

He gathered up his clothing and dressed as quickly as he could ignoring the looks from the folks passing by in the hallway. It was just a few more things to feel guilty about.


	3. Chapter 3

Guilt  
Part three of three

He ducked into one the ships auxilery kitchens to avoid James and the other MFE pilots. He really wasn’t in the mood for another confrontation or awkward silence. He just hoped he there wasn’t anyone in this kitchen tonight.

“Wow still hiding from James and the other MFE Pilots,” Hunk’s voice said from behind him. He turned to see the other former Paladin there surrounded by several mixing bowels. “Everyone already knows man you running all the time just keeps the gossip going.”

“Don’t you usually cook in the main kitchen,” he asked ignoring the comment about what he was running from. The kitchen he’d ducked into was only meant for special occasions or guest with extremely unusual dietary needs. “why are you even here?” Hunk suddenly looked self conscious and looked away.

He was about to apologize for the question when Hunk turned back, “Every one knows to look for me in the main kitchen so I picked this one since I really didn’t want to see anyone else today.” He turned to look at the oven. “Shay and I had a date set for today its the anniversary of Voltron freeing them remember.” He had completely forgotten. “But our Shay will never know I’m even gone and this world’s Shay has her own Hunk so I just wanted to be alone.”

“I’ll leave you alone then,” he started to go and James’ voice drifted in. “As soon as they are gone.” He said and set down on a spare stool. He could tell Hunk wanted to say something but was afraid to. “I know everyone thinks I’m being a coward but I’ve got enough to feel guilty about without having another fight with James.”

“Then don’t fight with him,” Hunk said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “James wasn’t your first one night stand was he?” The other man looked genuinely surprised at the idea but then relaxed as he shook his head no. “Then what’s the problem?”

“Normally I knew it would be a one night stand and I wouldn’t have to be stuck on a ship with them,” he said honestly. “Plus, in those cases we both wanted a one night stand not one of us thinking their long time crush was going to turn into a relationship.” He still felt guilty about being so out of it that he’d missed that James wanted more than a quick fuck to relieve tension.

“Wow James wasn’t over crush that explains a lot,” Hunk said and he felt even worse. “Look Keith, you screwed up and frankly so did James so just go about your life and stop hiding take a page form Lance’s book do you think he never had a disastrous hook up in the garrison, he had plenty and he always held his head high after wards.”

“You saying I need to be more like Lance is not helping,” he said with a weak smile and he saw Hunk return it. He sighed to himself and decided if there was any paladin it was safe to admit the truth to it was Hunk. “Avoiding James isn’t just about the fact I feel guilty about doing something stupid it’s that it is easier than thinking about what I’m really feeling guilty about everything with Shiro and the Lions.”

He could tell by Hunk’s face he wasn’t happy with the direction the conversation had just gone. “Have you and Shiro talked at all?” Hunk asked after a moment in a tone that made it clear he didn’t really want to know but felt he needed to ask.

“No, I haven’t,” he said and looked straight at Hunk. “Just like the rest of you, I’ve been avoiding it.” He could tell by Hunk’s face that he didn’t have any kind of response. “Anyway James and the others are gone now so I’m heading to my room see you later Hunk.” Hunk called his own goodbye but he barely heard it as he began to make his way to his quarters. That disaster of a conversation had made it clear he and the other former paladins were more fragmented than ever. Just a few months ago he and Hunk had reached a new level of communication in their friendship and this conversation proved it was gone.

He decided once he got to his quarters he was going to think long and hard about everything. He was just about there when he ran into Kolivan who was clearly waiting for him, “Keith I was wondering if I could speak to you?” Kolivan asked and he just knew Kolivan wanted to discuss things but after that disappointing chat with Hunk he just didn’t have the energy.

“Sorry, Kolivan not right now.” He said and quickly entered his quarters and shut the door and triggered the privacy alert that let any visitors know he wasn’t to be disturbed. He knew Kolivan wouldn’t force the issue and he was glad. He had so much to think about and work out on his own before he even attempted talking with anyone else. 

The End


End file.
